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loneliness.i looked into the eyes
and loneliness was all i could see
i looked into the eyes of God
and discerned much the same
(it was then i realized
loneliness will drive me insane).
for my eyes, losswaste away
history this (because I don't have time)
breakfasting on sorrow (pain of the mind)
confused (tripping after crime)
too young, too old (never behold)
the answer (i want, when told)
to realize (loss for eyes)
what is there, what am I to say?
Teenage TaoismGiving birth is the closest I’d ever felt to dying.
Before that, my near death experiences had consisted only of my silent announcement of pregnancy—silent, being that my social media accounts were all deleted almost simultaneously and I never returned to school in the fall, saying without really saying that I had caught the malicious disease of “teenage pregnancy”. I’m sure the whisper spread in the hallways like the Bubonic Plague. That September, sitting at home on what would have been the first day of my senior year, I imagined friends I’d never talk to again saying “she was only seventeen, and so full of life!” at my absence in the cafeteria tables, as if they were attending my funeral instead of talking about me behind my back.
"Full of life," I had snorted then, folding a never ending stream of what had once been my own baby clothes. "Literally."
I walked around like a zombie for the months of my pregnancy, deciding t
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